Please or to access all these features
Talk
Flip
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
36 replies
WhatIsLife24 · 14/05/2024 16:47
So I’ve started dating for the first time in nearly a year and I met this guy on plenty of fish who I actually really like. We’ve been dating for a couple of months now. A month in we both made it clear that we weren’t dating anyone else. But we’re not officially in a relationship or anything. I told him a few weeks ago that I’m no longer on pof. He is but said he hasn’t been on it since our first date. Now this might sound a bit psycho but I’ve just checked to see if he’s still on it and his profile is still there but he’s changed his username. 1- AIBU to be annoyed that he’s still on, and 2- is it a bit sketchy that he has a different username? My mind goes straight to he’s changed his name so that I can’t find him 🤦🏻♀️
Asked him and he is adamant he hasn’t changed his username and hasn’t logged on since our first date. He sounds sincere but I don’t know how else you can explain it. But he’s not lying about the fact his profile is still on there so I don’t know whether it’s just my trust issues here.
Sorry if this all sounds very pathetic!
OP posts:
Advertisem*nt
Opentooffers · 14/05/2024 17:12
It's a tricky one. If you are 100% that he has changed his username though , and he's maintaining he hasn't, either he's gaslighting, or he has always had more than one profile up so hasn't maybe changed it as such, just taken one down. You're about at the time where you should be defining things better though. You've both said not dating anyone else, but does that stop short of exclusivity in his eyes? It doesn't quite say not ever having sex with someone else either.
Perhaps the only way is to ask him if there are no clues otherwise to how he thinks, but I think there's often a reason why you feel in doubt. If he doesn't confirm that you are GF & BF, then it's not looking great. I think I'd be wary and pull back a bit, see if he steps up or notices.
Illpickthatup · 14/05/2024 17:13
Maybe it's an old profile he's forgotten about.
Whatsyourstory · 14/05/2024 17:13
If you definitely saw he's changed his username then you know he is lying. Not a good basis for a relationship. You deserve better.
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 14/05/2024 17:24
I was seeing someone last year for a year from internet dating and we were BF/GF. Towards the end of last year he said to me he thought we were just “seeing each other” which we were but I thought he liked me more than that.
If someone’s changed their user name like in this case and then denied it I wouldn’t be pleased.
WhatIsLife24 · 14/05/2024 17:36
It’s exactly the same profile, same picture, description etc. nothing has changed other than his username.
when he first said he hasn’t been on since we first met (a month in) I checked and it did say he hasn’t been online. I then deleted my account thinking at some point he would. So yes he must either be lying or he’s made another account with the same info.
there’s no other way his name would change right?
he has said he’s not seeing anyone else, not looking to etc etc. but then if that’s the case he wouldn’t be on it anyway surely?
OP posts:
Advertisem*nt
canyouletthedogoutplease · 14/05/2024 17:39
His username hasn't changed itself, he is lying to you. What you do with that information is up to you.
Advertisem*nt
highlo · 14/05/2024 17:39
Only 2 explanations I can think of:
- he's lying
- it's an old profile that he created before the one he used when he met you.
If the profile shows he's been active then it can't be 2).
VinnieVanDog · 14/05/2024 17:46
"A month in we both made it clear that we weren’t dating anyone else. But we’re not officially in a relationship or anything". This sounds strange to me - either you both want to be in an exclusive relationship or you both want to keep it relaxed early on. What you said sounds like a bit of both that adds up to neither and perhaps came about because he didn't really want to commit to not dating anyone else but didn't want to piss you off by saying that?
Kittykat777 · 14/05/2024 17:49
I caught an ex out on pof once. I set up a fake profile and messaged him he arranged to meet the woman on the profile not knowing it was me = adios biatch 😂
TwilightSkies · 14/05/2024 17:51
He’s lying. The men on POF are the worst!
If you are going to date at least use a paid website.
Advertisem*nt
canyouletthedogoutplease · 14/05/2024 17:53
Kittykat777 · 14/05/2024 17:49
I caught an ex out on pof once. I set up a fake profile and messaged him he arranged to meet the woman on the profile not knowing it was me = adios biatch 😂
This is the way to go if you're still in any doubt about what he's doing, then you'll know for sure.
CharlieDickens · 14/05/2024 17:58
Just finish with him. He's clearly up to no good or he wouldn't have changed his name.
WhatIsLife24 · 14/05/2024 18:09
I would try catch him out but too late now probably as I’ve already questioned him! Doesn’t matter anyway if he’s already lied to me, not a good sign.
I honestly thought he was genuine! We just hadn’t labelled it but he’d always said he was only exclusively dating me and wasn’t even speaking to anyone else, told his family and friends about me and making plans (not concrete) to meet them etc.
I’m clearly just very bad at picking guys!
OP posts:
Kittykat777 · 14/05/2024 18:39
I’m on pof not had much luck only been on it a week full of all sorts iv had couples message someone asking me if he pays me can I smoke weed with him lol I don’t smoke weed. Another told me he is an ex career criminal done fraud armed robberies etc I mean it’s laughable my block list is growing rapid 😂 hopefully some nice guys out there somewhere, sorry to hear he sounds like a player chin up plenty more freaks like I attract
WhatIsLife24 · 14/05/2024 20:32
@Kittykat777 I suppose at least you know where you stand with the freaks! It’s worse when they pretend to be a nice guy and really they’re just an absolute twat. I was married to a complete narcissist, I obviously just attract them! Think I need to steer clear for a while
OP posts:
Advertisem*nt
NetMum2 · 15/05/2024 02:33
If you’re still a little unsure of how you feel I think if it was me I’d be honest and say (in person) that you’re finding it hard to trust him and so it’s probably best to not continue seeing each other. If he really likes you he’ll ‘fight’ for you and maybe even offer to prove he hasn’t been online messaging other people. He may not be able to, or even want to do that. You’ll know for sure from a serious conversation how you feel about him.
NetMum2 · 15/05/2024 02:35
Unless of course you really don’t trust him and have made your mind up already!
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 15/05/2024 06:27
Show him the profile and see how he reacts.
Guavafish1 · 15/05/2024 06:36
He is definitely lying.
Lots of ppl get addicted to OLD
WhatIsLife24 · 15/05/2024 06:37
Thanks @NetMum2
It got a bit messy and we nearly called it quits as I was adamant that I didn’t believe him and he was pissed that I didn’t believe him. But he did say to log on and see when he was last online etc and he was trying to think of ways to prove himself like wanting to contact the admin etc. (to him his username is still showing the same name as it was before) In the end he told me to message him and when I did his old username comes up on the messages but not his profile?! So maybe it is some anomaly.
Anyway he logged on whilst we were talking to show he’s not sent any messages etc and has now deleted his account. He said he has just has never bothered to log on to delete it before as he hasn’t got the app now since changing phones, not because he wants to be on there. He has had a new phone.
So he actually might be genuine after all!
OP posts:
Advertisem*nt
WhatIsLife24 · 15/05/2024 06:39
I will still proceed with caution!
OP posts:
WhatIsLife24 · 15/05/2024 06:40
@Guavafish1 What is OLD?
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
samestyle · 15/05/2024 08:18
I don't believe him, they don't want to label anything because then they don't have feel guilty about cheating on you.
A small amount of photos are stolen by scammers but these are normally exceptionally good looking younger people.
mitogoshi · 15/05/2024 08:24
If a relationship has a future you won't "not be official" after 2 months. You know!
I deleted my apps in the car park after meeting dp for the first time, he had already deleted his talking on the phone to me. Sparks don't take months
Fredsinthebed · 15/05/2024 08:42
In defence of him there is a chance he is genuine.
I had a friend who had exactly this situation several years ago. Was seeing someone, searched for him on POF, up popped a different profile. Same picture, some blurb etc. etc.
She was on the point of LTB and he was beside himself. He contacted admin and after much back and forth it transpired that the second account was some kind of clone of the first. Not set up by him and not being used by him.
I agree you should proceed with some caution, but I think you should also use your gut instinct and judgement before wrecking something that might have a future.
Flip
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.
Advertisem*nt
